Thoughts of a Captain

Posted on 29 Jul 2018 @ 10:19pm by Captain Akio Tachibana & Lieutenant Junior Grade Wyndsor Emerson, Ph.D.

Mission: Ne Me'e Laua Na Paio - Heroes & Villains
Location: Chief Counselor's Office, Deck 11
Timeline: During Disappearing Doctor

Staring at the blinking name on her computer screen, Wyndsor took a moment to consider how best to proceed. No Starfleet officer was above regulations, but it was a rare member of Starfleet who didn't mind being summoned for a psychological evaluation, however routine.

Not wanting to make the meeting sounds like a summons to the principal's office, Emerson dashed off a simple note: I would appreciate the opportunity to get acquainted and for your good deed for the month, you would be helping a ship's counselor get a gold star. My office or yours?

Clicking send, Emerson returned her attention to her notes.

Akio received the message in his ready room. He didn't need to meet with the counselor in the ready room. That could give off the wrong impression, especially when Emerson was rarely on the bridge anyways.

He chose to visit her instead.

"You rang?" Akio asked, appearing at her office about 30 minutes later. "I hope I am not interrupting."

Wyndsor smiled. "Actually, you did," she replied in good humor, referring to the fact he had pressed her office chime. She gestured for him to take a seat and make himself more comfortable. "I was going through a list of the crew with outstanding overdue psychological evaluations and I came across your name, but the truth is, I also wanted to meet you in person and for us to have an opportunity to get to know each other as colleagues."

Akio smirked at the quick wit of the counselor before taking a seat.

"It has been some time," Akio said. "I am sure you have read my file though, as I have read yours."

Emerson didn't doubt the veracity of the admission, but she could not help but be intrigued by the admission. She wondered if he had purposely shared it because he had a particular motive. "Of course. Is there anything in particular you'd like to ask me about?"

"How did you enjoy Starbase 611?" Akio asked, familiar with its location in the Raeya Sector.

"It was a nice change of pace," Emerson answered. "Starbases help me forget I am actually in space because they feel like cities. Admittedly, I didn't take it vantage of everything it had to offer, but it was nice to be surrounded by such a bustling community."

"Indeed. The Raeya Sector is quite the place with its own problems these days," Akio replied.

"Our assignments here are not going to be a walk in the park," the counselor replied.

"Did you request space duty?" Akio asked referring to being aboard a ship. Even though starbases were also in space, they were largely considered shore assignments.

"My only real desire was to be posted where I could be of most use," Emerson answered. "Of course, I realize you had to approve my transfer, so thank you in advance for the vote of confidence," she added with a smile.

"Considering the warzone we are headed towards, you may get more visitors. As for the transfer, we are strapped for personnel, so do not thank me yet. You were one of our only options," Akio grinned.

She might have been insulted if it weren't for the clear grin on the Captain's face. They were just getting to know each other, but something suggested if they could share the same sense of humor, they were going to get along just fine. "Well then, it seems I owe you a thank you for being willing to accept someone from the bottom of the barrel," she added with a chuckle. More seriously, she replied, "I hope to get more visitors who come voluntarily, but I will be sure to be proactive. Counselors learn early on not to wait for people to come their way, but that's going to be especially true if we see a lot of combat. Activities to build resiliency will be key. Of course, I know trust will take time, but I hope to be a sounding board for you too. If things prove to be as difficult as you suggest, I expect you will need support as well."

It really was just an obvious statement to her. It was her partially subtle way of feeling him out on how he really felt about counselors. Many command officers were good at sincerely offering what was expected of them at least where counselors were concerned.

"With your qualifications, I would not say you were the bottom of the barrel by any means," Akio clarified, "I greatly appreciate that. You are always welcome on the bridge as we value your observations, although Commander Zamora may disagree with them," Akio smirked.

Emerson's eyes twinkled with mirth. "It wouldn't be the first time someone disagreed with me. I am capable of holding my own, sir."

"Good. I will not have to worry about my own counselor cracking during war time," Akio said, taking a more serious tone.

She found his choice of words intriguing. She wasn't sure why she would crack simply because someone disagreed with her, but she was likely to be affected by war just like anyone else. She had feelings after all. "War affects everyone, sir. What I can promise is that I will do my absolute best to take care of myself so I can take care of the crew." She paused, then added, "in my experience, I have found the crew is more likely to reach out for help if members of the leadership value the same. I understand the importance of maintaining focus and not letting emotions get the better of everyone, but I would appreciate your support in creating an environment where seeking counseling won't be seen as a weakness or as an indication he or she is cracking under pressure."

"Absolutely. I agree with you there," Akio smiled, relaxing a bit.

"I'm glad to hear that, Captain," Wyndsor answered. "I wonder, what sorts of attitudes about counseling were encouraged when you were coming up through the ranks?" It wasn't that she disbelieved his sincerity but she wanted him to elaborate. She saw him visibly relax and she wondered if there was more on the subject he wanted to share.

"It ran the spectrum, you could say. Everyone has different attitudes about counseling and mental health, largely based on their own exposure either personally or with close friends," Akio replied.

It was an answer that seemed as vague as it was truthful. It had the ring of sincerity without revealing any more personal feelings. "How would you characterize your personal experiences with counselors? Just to clarify, I'm not asking you to reveal too many specifics, but as you say, attitudes toward my profession vary greatly and I think much can be truly understood by having an appreciation of how the people that have come before me have either helped or hindered them."

"I guess my experience has been something akin to a Dentist," Akio mused. "I get a notice of appointment, I appear, and the rest is in my records."

Wyndsor winced theatrically at the dental comparison but then immediately smiled and offered a nod of understanding. "I take it counseling for you was about as comfortable for you as an old fashioned root canal?" There was a bigger method to her madness. If she was going to be useful to him as an advisor, she had to know what sort of attitudes about her profession she was up against.

"I don't think I'd consider it that macabre, yet certainly an inconvenience yet necessity," Akio tried to answer neutrally.

I'm not offended in the least by that characterization," Wyndsor began. "I would like to know more of what you mean by inconvenience, however. It doesn't really tell me anything specific about your past experiences or current attitudes when it comes to counselors."

"Oh, just something that must be done," Akio sighed. "Are there people that enjoy coming to counselling sessions? I feel like the sentiment among Command is that each session is a risk of being relieved of duty."

Though he was generalizing and not exactly acknowledging ownership of such a sentiment, Wyndsor nevertheless felt the admission revealed something potentially personal.


"I suppose one person's mere preference is another person's inconvenience. I don't particularly enjoy having to qualify regularly to carry a weapon, but I accept it as a necessary task if I am to stay in Starfleet. For me, it's less about being inconvenienced and more about just preferring to do something else. I suppose every session with a member of command brings with it a possibility of being relieved of but I would think it's the probability, not the mere possibility of such an outcome that is the source of discomfort. I would have to wonder, would any of those members of command have reason to think they should be relieved of duty?"

"I am unsure, you'd have to ask them. As for me, should I be concerned about being relieved?" Akio smiled wryly.

"I don't know. Should you? Are you?" Emerson asked, gently without a trace of the humor he might've expected in return. She truly was trying to establish a connection with him that wasn't all distance and formality.

"It is the CO that is not worried about being relieved whom I worry about," Akio answered, "for it is that CO that fears nothing and is corrupted by their own power."

It was an answer that had the ring of being personal, but on the surface at least, it was still a reference to generalities. "I can appreciate the truth in your words. Still, it is my hope you will see me as more than a simple hall monitor just waiting for you to mess up. I'm here to support you, to listen to you, and to advise if I can be of service. I'm on your side, sir."

"That is good to know and much appreciated. As I said before, we are likely headed into darker times and may need your services," Akio nodded as he closed his eyes momentarily.

It was the 'may' she found slightly disappointing, but she decided they had to start somewhere. It was then she noticed he closed his eyes for a moment. Frowning, she offered, "Are you OK, sir?"

"That is quite a question of relativism, doctor," Akio replied smoothly.

The counselor briefly wondered if every interaction with him was going to be like pulling teeth. Patiently, she replied, "it's just that I saw you close your eyes for a moment like you were stressed or in physical pain. Is there something I can do to help?"

"No pain; certainly stress. It is pretty clear we are headed for war. I am not sure if this crew-- including me-- is ready," Akio finally relented.

For the first time, Emerson noted real sincerity in his words and she got the impression she was finally starting to see the man behind the rank and the formality. "I'd be more concerned about you if you were completely or overly confident about going to war. Is there something in particular you believe you lack that has you questioning your competence?"

"Experience," Akio answered simply. Yet that one word conveyed a lot. Experience at being the CO, making decisions. He'd always just been the one to suggest the best course of action among a chorus of officers. Now, he had to decide. The Hawaii also had quite a junior crew with the exceptions of Tolkath, Zamora, and Cassidy. Some of the largest ship departments were being led by Ensigns.

There were several lines of inquiry Emerson could take, and she took a moment to consider her impression of his words. Was he talking about command experience in general? Combat experience? Or something more? "How do you feel about being chosen to be the commander of the Hawaii?"

"It was actually quite surprising and unexpected," Akio started. "I was not anticipating commanding a Sovereign-class vessel and there was quite the rumbling among the command community."

"Do you mean the command community was dissatisfied with your selection as the commanding officer of the Hawaii?" If her understanding was correct, it would explain a lot of his reluctance to share anything personal. If he was feeling under a microscope, he might see any expression of emotion or of challenges as a sign of weakness.

"Absolutely," Akio said with wonder that Emerson had not heard yet. "The fact Captain Carson of the Wyoming sought to force me to step down as CO of this vessel was motivated in part by that sentiment, we assess."

"Truthfully, sir, I always had the impression there was more to all of that than met the eye there. You were given a command, and whatever they thought of that decision, they don't just hand command jobs to people large groups of people disapprove of."

"You would be correct, yet with politics, there are many sides and parties," Akio added.

Getting the impression she had gotten from him all she was going to get, she nodded and offered a warm smile. "I've taken up enough of your time for now. I'll be in touch, sir." With that, Emerson took her leave.

Akio was a bit perplexed since this was her office, yet he left afterwards, feeling refreshed.

***

Akio Tachibana, CAPT, SF
CO

Wyndsor Emerson, LTJG, SF
Chief Counselor/PSYCH